Friday, April 04, 2008

Tantrums and Tolstoy


For the next one month i will be stuck with a tantrum full two year old an eight year old who happens to be a tv/Play station addict.

I have gradually dragged my self away from the anxiety of job hunting to a mood of He Sera sera, accepting the thrill of being here for them 24/7. One wore his shoes correctly all by him self for the first time, the other just had his first kiss and thinks his in love and is planning the wedding. Both were cause for true celebration.

Thats all in a days work of child care and wondering if i will ever get the chance to be something more glamourous and most importantly income generating than this.
But then comes an uneven toothed smile from one and a tinny toothed grin from the other and my heart melts away. Then i cant imagine being any where else or doing anything else.

My thoughts sway like a pendallum clock from gratefulness for blessings such as these, to fear that what if i never get to do all the other stuff i dream of doing?
The dread gets stuck in my throat like an unpleasant morsel of food and follows me around nagging the joy out of daily living.


Then i decide to enjoy the moment, living each day, grateful for all blessings as i face the routine challenge of feeding two food haters, and reducing Tv and play station time to reading and writing as i ignore the contempt on their faces.

And best of all, thanks to a secondhand bookshop/library, i finally get to read those classics i have been searching for, so inbetween toilet training and nap times, i have the company of Lev Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, Doris Lessings's Mara and Darn, Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment......and many more. For the moment at least, i am in literary heaven, and i can ignore the fact that i havent done any writing of my own for weeks.

So i look forward to at least four weeks of tantrums and Tolstoy!

1 comment:

Kalar said...

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  • Bessie Head
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